your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
