That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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