I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
