she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
