Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
