What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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