I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
