oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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