I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
