Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
