just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
