that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
