If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I just found a bag of teeth...
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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