Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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