...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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