I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
