mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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