I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
