you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
