Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
