In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
