I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
