She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
