what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
