mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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