just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
