they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
as a side note pls kill me
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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