no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
