I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
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