Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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