why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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