oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
