I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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