Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
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He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
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If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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