beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
