Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
