i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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