I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
this hospital has no fireball
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
