i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
