I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
