dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
