girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
