It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
