Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
