I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
ttyl tear gas
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
