I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Randomize
