God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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