I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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