Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
