Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
