Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Omg I joined a choir last night...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
