Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
