Got a toothbrush?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Found your dick twin last night
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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