guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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