um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We need a shit load of segways right now
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
