How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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