The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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