the condom got lost in my hair
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
