Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
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You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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