Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
she looked like the before picture.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
