Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
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