Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
