We're facebook friends in real life
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
