happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
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