we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
