this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
