I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
When did angry sex become our thing?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
