singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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