And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
