my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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